Crutches

I have always loved horses.

At the age of 12 in California, I began riding and showing horses. I learned so much and loved every minute of it. I joined 4-H and took my sweet horse, "Pixie", to county fairs and local horse shows. We won many ribbons, lots of cool horse stuff, and had a blast.

Then, I moved to Georgia.

Pixie was not able to move with us and went to a wonderful home. I was heartbroken to leave her, but excited about the possibilities of a new horse in GA. I went through several horses- "Rooster," "Autumn," "Colonel"- but then came "Celtic," a beautiful Thoroughbred off the racetrack in Louisiana. He was a young horse and so very sweet. I loved him.

 

One day while I was out training him, I decided to take another lap around the pasture. During that last lap, something must have scared Celtic or stung him. Either way, he began bucking and I could no longer hold on. I slipped right over the front of his head and landed squarely on my bottom with Celtic looking right at me like, "What happened?"

 

I tried to get up and couldn't. I realized right then and there that something was broken. Something big. I was all alone in our back pasture and yelled for help. My mom came running down the hill to find me sitting in agonizing pain. She pulled off my boots and sure enough, the left ankle was very swollen. She drove me to the hospital and there it was confirmed that I had broken my ankle. Bummer.

 

6 weeks in a cast and everything would be good. 6 weeks on crutches and everything would heal itself. Well, that's what everyone thought. On my 6 week appointment, things did not look good. The bone had not reattached, in fact, it had slipped further into my foot. It was time to do surgery.

 

3 weeks later, I was in the operating room where a titanium screw was placed in my left ankle. Then, 3 more weeks in a bandage and crutches. It was torture. Once the bandage was off, it was a walking boot, 3 months of therapy, and having to learn how to walk all over again. I broke my ankle in November and was finally able to walk again, without the help of crutches or a walking boot, by March.

 

Being on crutches was not easy, but because I was broken, I needed them. I couldn't function without them. Until I had surgery, something I couldn't do myself, I was going to need those crutches. Coming off those crutches wasn't easy either. I had found a need for them and learned to function with them. Trusting myself to walk again was a challenge mentally and physically. I had learned to rely on the crutches in order to compensate for the brokenness in my life.

 

So often, we do the same thing in life. A devastating diagnosis, a messed up marriage, wayward children, a financial hardship- these are all things that can drive us to find crutches- something to help us compensate for the pain. A crutch can be anything that numbs the pain or allows us to continue functioning- drugs, alcohol, an affair, overspending, overeating- and once that crutch becomes part of life, it is hard to take it away.

The only way to get rid of the crutch is for surgery of the heart to take place. It is not something you can do for yourself. Just like I had to see a surgeon to have my ankle fixed, so you have to see Jesus in order for your heart to be fixed. Without Jesus, your heart will constantly be broken. You may be able to take yourself off the crutches for a little while, but you will fall, it will hurt, and it will be more painful than the time before. A spiritually surgery of the heart is necessary to come off the crutches that so easily allow us to cope with the heartache of this world.

Once the surgery is over and Jesus has come into your life, that's when the work truly begins. You won't be able to just toss the crutches away and run for joy! No, it takes therapy, it takes tears, and it takes a constant focus on Jesus Christ to rise above the crutches in this life.



 As I strive to become more like Jesus in this life, I constantly have to be aware of the things I allow to be crutches in my life- busyness, a fit body, money in my bank account- I trust these things to bring me joy and happiness in the midst of pain rather than focusing on the One who is true Joy and Comfort in the midst of pain. Only when we allow Jesus to heal our hearts, to mend our hurts, can we truly leave the crutches of this life behind and follow Him.